Friday, December 11, 2009

I'm gonna let it shine!

Lets talk about running..then.. When I was younger and I would go for a "run" it usually consisted of starting out real strong and slowing to a walk until a car was coming or I was passing a house I knew just might have a guy I knew in it, that happened to be walking by the window and glance outside just in time to see my freshly lotioned toned calves go striding by with the grace of a gazelle and the perfect speed for perky breasts to have 2 good bounces before I completely passed the window.
If I had only know then what I know now, I would have been totally naked yelling "enjoy it while it lasts, this fantastic bod will be going into hibernation in just a few short years".

Lets talk about running.. now.. well I am working on it. I can feel myself becoming stronger from my working out and at this point I am not so afraid of the track. Part of this process has been becoming aware of my short falls. I really do think I can do these things. My mind says "sure, I can do a cartwheel" but as soon as my head darts to the side, hands shoot in the air, my arm fat quivers and settles in front of my face shielding my line of sight. As if that were not enough of a clue I have no business attempting such a feat I thrust in a down and forward motion, at this point there is a combination of crackling and flapping. Only the loud slapping sound (from breast or thighs, I still don't know) wakes me mid cart to the realization, that just maybe there are a few limitations to what I think I can do and what I am actually capable of.

So my work out group committed to completing a 5k. At the thought I flashed to the not so cart-wheel. I feared this was another thing I thought I could do, but would fail. My workout leader encouraged me to walk the route before race day and she even walked with me! I finished in a little over an hour and felt more confidant.
Well race day soon arrived. It was in Nov and for me was appropriately called the Turkey Trot. I committed to finishing the race even if I had to walk/run/crawl. It was so cold outside that morning my ears were killing me. With the shot of a blank, we were off and running, well some of them were. The first part is uphill and my plan was to walk that and get it over with. Many folks went sailing by. Only the 2 kids on bikes with training wheels bothered me. At the top of the hill my ipod decided to call it quits. Taking my mind off what my body was doing I tried to remember all the cadence my husband used to sing in the wee hours soothing our babies back to sleep. This was not successful. So I settled into a stride and began to pray. Talking to God is a past time of mine. I ignored the cold taking over my limbs and picked up my stride to warm from the inside out. My heart pounded, my arms pumped and one at a time, one foot in front of the other I jogged. The Lord spoke to me that moment. I teared up listening to what was put in my heart. I was running... not for research, or a cure, or someone that I had lost or was going to lose. I was running for me... for health, for strength, and confidence. I was running because I have been blessed with a body that can! I was running because I wanted to do this for myself! At that point I began to sing the only song I could think of all the words to "this little light of mine, i'm gonna let it shine" "wont let satan (pant) it out, i'm gonna let it shine"!
I came around the bend and the finish line was in sight. I saw my friends running and cheering me forward! Then I heard "YOU HAVE NOT EVEN REACHED 50:00 MINUTES YET...RUUUUN!!!!"
I freaked out and dug deep, running as hard as my tired feet would carry me! I came in at 44:53!! Never in my wildest dreams would I have guessed to get such a great time! I was overwhelmed and burst into tears! My friends cheered and held me tight! I DID IT, I DID IT!!!!
So I don't have anymore weight lost, but I have gained so much in confidence!
Thanks to my fellow Turkey Trotters!

Friday, November 13, 2009

Bread and Butter

Well here I am 3 months down and Lord only knows how many to go. As it stands or rather how I sit. I have worked off 15 lbs and about 15 inches. I have had so much amazing encouragement regarding these numbers. And I am very touch by the continued out pour of support.
BUUUUUTT, lately this journey has been less then fun for me. I fully expected this to be hard, but not in the ways it has. And as my outlet to vent that is what I intend to do... I am tired of being sore, tired of being tired, sick of feeling guilty every time I put something in my mouth. Worrying over every calorie and treat. I cant seem to turn it off. I try to justify everything, reasons to not eat something and reasons to not workout. Then more guilt sets in and I feel like telling on myself. So here I am telling on myself.. I do not feel that in the last month I have done the best I could. There it is, out in black and white. Ok it does not feel as bad, of course I have not pushed publish yet.......hmmmm do I have to?
So I had a pity party and I went to the store, I bought a white bread baguette and 1 lb of real butter, (not even the no salt kind). My plan was simple, baguette in one hand, bar of butter in the other. Take bite of butter then bite of bread, chew, swallow, repeat till gone.....
No it did not go down like that, I shared part of the baguette with my kids over a chicken dinner and husband ate the rest.
It did get me thinking that something must be seriously wrong with me. Got me thinking about all the time before this, where I just did not give a sh*t. Oh I have loved being fat... It really can be just a good old time! I know how that must sound, but eating and drinking what ever you want all the time is fantastic! So I started a list of all the things I am going to miss about being fat..
1. The fat ass, it really is fun to have this much "junk in the trunk"
2. Banana Splits with all the toppings and all the sprinkles...
3. Saying that I am "fat, sassy and happy"... "sassy and happy" just sounds like bragging, the fat part kind of leveled the playing field
4. My fantastic DD....I'll stop there
5. Getting to use my favorite bumper sticker that says "Fat people are harder to kidnap"
6. Complaining about "Skinny Bitches", hard to say if you are one
7. Big jewelry, it looks funny on skinny necks

Well there you have it, yes I will do a list on all the things I will not miss about being fat, but that will take way more time then I have right now.

Pound 15 belonged to my Erika, she is my sister-from-another-mother. She helped me grow up when I thought I already was. She has taught me how to love myself at any size, laugh thru the tears and good old southern hospitality! Thank you...
Next week I am working toward Lisa Zeldin and boys! Lisa is my fellow Jewish American Princess! She is an amazing mother and has more fun then most folks should! Thanks Lisa!

Monday, October 19, 2009

Clinch and Release

The lack of timely update has been due to a lack of time... I have been amazingly busy and there fore have not lost any more weight which started a chain reaction to not want to post without real progress. Well that ended up being a terrible plan as many of you began to bug the crap out of me. It is also not how this is going to work. It was unrealistic for me to think that every time I came to blog I would have some amazing results to share. So I sit here with my tail tucked between my legs. To say that I have not lost an ounce from the last post, but I have not gained either!
Being so very busy got me thinking that there must be ways to burn calories other then the conventual workout.
I remembered once that a skinny lady told me her secret was that while driving she would clinch and release her butt muscles at stop lights. So I gave it try. I came to a few conclusions, one was we seem to have a real shortage of stoplights around here and two the hoping motion that is a result of the clinch and release gets you very odd looks from folks in the cars next to you. I sure wonder what they were thinking I was doing..
So I moved on to the next tip.. Crunches from the couch. During commercial breaks I tightened what is left of my abs after 3 babies and curled into a crunch. After 2 commercial breaks I pulled something in my side and gave up. I am the only person I know that could hurt them selves with their ass planted on the couch.
Tip number 3 had me laughing out loud.. Visualize yourself thin... Well part of my problem is the fact that I have never visualized my self as anything else. If only you all could see me through my eyes. Self confidence has never been a problem for me. As it turns out maybe if I had actually seen myself through someone else's eyes, I may have started this journey a while ago. I just always figured every body thought I was a hott as I thought I was. Then I would catch a view of myself from behind and feel sorry for that gal. Realizing the reflection was my behind leads me to right here.
I once tried to visualize myself into labor and all I got was 2 hard contractions and one good fart. This tip was obviously not going to work for me.
As of this morning I am back at the track sweating into my freshly clinched and released butt.
Thanks for all the support folks, this week I am focused on reaching lb 14! This lb belongs to my dear cousin Meredith! Her quiet strength is my inspiration! And her laugh is enough to carry anyone through the toughest of times!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Weighed and Measured

So my Baby boot camp leader leans down to measure my inner thighs and all I can think is "man I have been running and my ass sweat must smell really nice right about now". But being the nice lady that she is, she says nothing of the damp crack and has all good news from the love below! I had not planned on updating till Oct 10th, but good news has changed that! As of today I have worked off 11 lbs and a total of 13 inches!! These inches are of course combined from bust, waist, hips, arms and thighs. If it had been all from one spot, that would look weird. I really needed this inches boost!
Thought for the day: Running around naked would be so much more fun if it weren't so darn noisy.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Where's the urge?

The only reason I pee during the day is because of that annoying urge... This got me thinking about other things that I would like to be reminded to do. The number one thing would be to take better care of myself. Wheres the annoying urge that reminds me to eat right or slow down and take deep breaths. Somewhere along this journey of motherhood things declined in the personal hygiene department. I believe it was a gradual occurrence. If it had been a switch I would have shot myself long ago. Right when I realized "clean" had became an accomplishment not a necessity!
Other little steps as well, like I stopped wearing earrings after the first time they got tugged on by a curious toddler. My q-tips went from cleaning ears to watercolor brushes. I stopped looking in the mirror for fear of what or who was looking back. What I saw was a fat, tired, greasy haired woman with leg hair so long you could french braid it and heals so cracked, to julian an zucchini in a pinch would be easy!
Make-up became a joke for lack of time, plus my daughter got into what was left and made a "cake" with everything that would open and stirred the "batter" into my $30 compact.
Before kids lounge wear was for just that lounging, at some point it became my uniform and instead of changing to leave the house I would just see what I could wipe off with a baby wipe and if it was dry, flacking it off with my fingernail was perfectly acceptable. Where the hell was the urge to stop that madness. My healthy living journey is waking me up to so many things. I am now feeling the urge to paint my nails and pick up the lipstick not the chap-stick. Starting with one thing is leading to others. Who knows by the time I have meet my goal I may even pass for a Lady! But don't hold your breath.....

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Lucky 7

I have never been very superstitious. But today I am calling on the Lucky number 7!
I started this journey one month ago today and in that time it has been a whirlwind of sweat, wheat, tears, greens, and prayer. I even tried acupuncture for weight-loss. Not as a quick fix, but a jump start! It was an amazing experience! I went into this nice spa, talked to a stranger about everything from pie to poop, and then she put needles in me. Ok it was not exactly like that but very close, and I cant wait to go back!
As of this wonderful Sept 10th morning we are celebrating not only my oldest 6th birthday, we are celebrating that fact they I have worked off
7lbs and 7 inches!!!

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Day of discovery

Today was a day of discovery, revelation, and good old lesson learned! I hope to share this with you so that you can learn from my mistake and take with you the knowledge that I am going to impart.

Underpants are a absolute must when working out while fat...

I had no idea, till this day, how much support was gain just from that one piece of fabric and elastic.

And now you know...
Small words, big impact!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

CAUTION Jogging while fat

One is never as conscious of ones back side as when they are attempting to run and with every step can feel the violent rise and fall of ones bottom end! That is my quote of the day. Jogging this morning I felt as if I was chasing my former self (the smaller version). Slender Faith would run circles around this Faith. Today she seems pretty far away. So back to the jogging, I feel like I am really hauling and then this woman just causally walks by me. I guess I was not pushing the speed I thought I was. Yea I wanted to trip her, no I did not!
The pounds I am working off this week are dedicated to my friend Audry Ayers! I took one look at her and knew I wanted to be her friend! She is an amazing mother and has this wonderful ability to keep things real. Audry takes on life with humor and grace. Gods light shines thru this women, thanks girl for your support! This mornings rise and fall was for you!