Friday, November 13, 2009

Bread and Butter

Well here I am 3 months down and Lord only knows how many to go. As it stands or rather how I sit. I have worked off 15 lbs and about 15 inches. I have had so much amazing encouragement regarding these numbers. And I am very touch by the continued out pour of support.
BUUUUUTT, lately this journey has been less then fun for me. I fully expected this to be hard, but not in the ways it has. And as my outlet to vent that is what I intend to do... I am tired of being sore, tired of being tired, sick of feeling guilty every time I put something in my mouth. Worrying over every calorie and treat. I cant seem to turn it off. I try to justify everything, reasons to not eat something and reasons to not workout. Then more guilt sets in and I feel like telling on myself. So here I am telling on myself.. I do not feel that in the last month I have done the best I could. There it is, out in black and white. Ok it does not feel as bad, of course I have not pushed publish yet.......hmmmm do I have to?
So I had a pity party and I went to the store, I bought a white bread baguette and 1 lb of real butter, (not even the no salt kind). My plan was simple, baguette in one hand, bar of butter in the other. Take bite of butter then bite of bread, chew, swallow, repeat till gone.....
No it did not go down like that, I shared part of the baguette with my kids over a chicken dinner and husband ate the rest.
It did get me thinking that something must be seriously wrong with me. Got me thinking about all the time before this, where I just did not give a sh*t. Oh I have loved being fat... It really can be just a good old time! I know how that must sound, but eating and drinking what ever you want all the time is fantastic! So I started a list of all the things I am going to miss about being fat..
1. The fat ass, it really is fun to have this much "junk in the trunk"
2. Banana Splits with all the toppings and all the sprinkles...
3. Saying that I am "fat, sassy and happy"... "sassy and happy" just sounds like bragging, the fat part kind of leveled the playing field
4. My fantastic DD....I'll stop there
5. Getting to use my favorite bumper sticker that says "Fat people are harder to kidnap"
6. Complaining about "Skinny Bitches", hard to say if you are one
7. Big jewelry, it looks funny on skinny necks

Well there you have it, yes I will do a list on all the things I will not miss about being fat, but that will take way more time then I have right now.

Pound 15 belonged to my Erika, she is my sister-from-another-mother. She helped me grow up when I thought I already was. She has taught me how to love myself at any size, laugh thru the tears and good old southern hospitality! Thank you...
Next week I am working toward Lisa Zeldin and boys! Lisa is my fellow Jewish American Princess! She is an amazing mother and has more fun then most folks should! Thanks Lisa!