Saturday, September 18, 2010


This was written in Aug 2010

A year in review! This post has been a year in the making, which is only part of the reason it has taken so long to write down. So many changes.. a year ago I was living in the desert, now we live in the mountains, a year ago Moe was not talking, now she repeats the last word of every sentence I say. A year ago Curly was still home with me most of the day, now she walks to and from school with her big sister. A year ago Larry had all her teeth, now her face looks like a jack-o-lantern. But one of the biggest things that has changed this past year is how I see myself! Not as a completed project but as a work in progress! I am not as far along in my "healthy living journey" as I pictured I would be a year ago, but I would not change the things I have learned about myself for any amount of weight! Progress is as stands, I have parted with (I say "parted with" because saying "lost" implies that someday it may be found) a total of 30 lbs, and have gone down 2 dress sizes!

On to other affairs!
So after all my progress I still had to face my fears! Going to my high school reunions! How is it that 10 years have past, but so many of the same insecurities remain. I had promised myself that I would not give in and find an excuse not to go. It felt like when you see the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other, both giving their own advice except instead of a angel and devil I have a fat chick and a skinny bitch, both versions of myself! The fat chick kept saying "just stay home and make a big meal, you'll be so comfy with your butt in sweats in the couch". The skinny bitch told me I would never fit in the outfit I bought, so to prove her wrong I layed out every piece of shape wear I have and one by one put them on. It was scary..... I looked just as your imagining right now. Every part of me was pushed up or down and in. Sitting or breathing deep would be out of the question. So I was on to plan B, lots of make-up... Then I started to notice things that I feared others were gonna notice. If I lean real close to the mirror I can see wrinkles on my face. Plus my toe nails had chipy paint(women secretly judge eachother about that BTW). Then as I was putting on my bra, I found it..... I called my Mr. LbF and asked "baby, what does it mean if I found a long brown hair growing from next to my nipple?" he replied "nothing" so I asked " what does it mean if he brought a friend?" he replied "you may want to get that check out".
The reunion ended up being very low key and not worth all the sweat, tears and worry I put into it. When I went to another reunion and had such a good time I felt foolish for being so silly about it. The biggest lesson brings me comfort. After all this time my weight had no impact on anyone else's life what so ever.. No one is sitting up at night wondering if my thighs rub together when I walk.

Monday, July 26, 2010

I can see clearly now!

It is 6pm and I am so ready for the day to be over. It started out alright, just the same as most mornings, with my almost 2 year old "Moe" sitting on my head to wake me up.
After a toaster waffle frenzy we were out the door to swim lessons for "Larry and Curly".
45 very wet minutes later we were home for lunch. This is when I discovered the ants! I have been engaged in a battle for my own domain with a army of sugar ants for 2 months now. When I found them in my reading corner I declared war on their queen and last friday the Orkin man came and sprayed. I should back up a little and say that I have tried everything from baby powder to cinnamon and that Mr. LbF even went out and bought a 2 gallon jug of poison with a spray nozzle on the end of a plastic coil (against my better wishes). He came in with that jug and I laughed out loud at him and said "it's only a few little ants". How naive I was back then, last month. Well when I came into the kitchen today they had had just enough time to get organized and were parading from the corner of my cabinets at the ceiling over the doorway to the cereal cub-bard. Knowing that I use my handy dandy chip clips for everything I could not for the life of me think of what they had discovered. So I got up on my step stool and peered inside, to my horror I discovered that the ants and got the better of me and taken advantage in a moment of weakness. Last night I came home tired from a trip and had put the granola from the snack bag away with out the oh so nice handy dandy clip! I retrieved my poison and took position on the stool, I put the jug on top of the fridge, put the phone I was talking on to the other ear and began firing! They did not know what had hit them, I reached up to get the very corner of the doorway and that is when I heard a thud, I looked down to the floor just in time to see the huge jug of awful poison hit the rug and the little plastic coil came flying out spraying me right in the eye. At this point I was swearing, yelling and scrambling to get off the stool and run to the bathroom. I must have hung up the phone but I cant remember. After a good 10 mins I had flushed it out till it stung from the effort and call the Orkin guy to get his fanny out here ASAP! He of course was not there and I told the nice lady who answered to make sure she wrote on the message that the ants were laughing at me. Next thing you know I have a neighbor on my doorstep making sure I can see her out both my eyes. My Mother with whom I had been talking to on the phone had alerted the Scott Valley emergency response system. So now I had to explain to someone face to face why it says just what to do in case you get it in your eye on the bottle. Before I had always read that and chuckled a little "like who is stupid enough to get it in their eye, its poison?"
So I got over the near blinding and by the afternoon a storm had rolled in. Thanks to my kids the dogs got out the front gate and a questionable looking neighbor was at my door saying the dogs were chasing his chickens! I looked out and called them. They were having way to much fun to pay me any mind and then they ran right out into the street. I had to dart out the gate yelling like a crazy lady jogging down the center of the street to stop a car from coming right at them and then something hit me in the chin! It was my breast. I was not wearing a bra of course. And am not surprised that after I got the dogs in, that same neighbor walked me home and struck up a conversation about his cock I mean rooster, and if it was to loud for me.
Then the day got really blue. Larry Curly and Moe got blue dollar store kiddy make-up on my living room carpet. Took 20mins to get only most of it out. Later a dog got ahold of a blue colored pencil. I told a kid to get it from her and did not think about it again, till I looked at my floor. It had come down with a case of blue chicken pox! Somehow a piece of the center of the pencil had adhered to the bottom of my own foot and for who knows how long I had tracked it thru my house. Want to know how many steps a mom takes in one day, come count my blue spots and times it by 24 hrs!
I went to the basement to get more carpet cleaner and noticed that outside was not the only place seeing rain today. The leak that had been "fixed" by a contractor was not to fixed anymore.
Oh I almost forgot to mention that I also gained back 3 lbs that I had lost last week.... and its after 9pm and I really did start writing this hours ago... good night!

Thursday, July 1, 2010


We have to much "stuff"! I have to much stuff the kids have waaaay to much stuff and Mr. LbF has weeelll, ok I have way to much stuff. But how on earth does one pair down? I feel like I am throwing stuff out all the time and when I say throw out I do mean mostly recycle. I seem to have a bit of a RRR fetish. Any time I get to reduce, reuse, recycle I get a little to excited!
We go rid of van loads before we moved and have a giant yard sale pile in the garage already. One of the nice things about moving all the time is if someone gave you something when you were neighbors and then one of you moves you have a small grace period and then you can send it to the thrift store. And you no longer risk the embarrassment of them seeing it ,buying it again and bringing it back to your door step! Not that I could ever do that... I cherish everything I have ever been gifted. So where to begin on the pair down? I read this advice in a magazine and have decided to give it a try! Make categories for stuff to fit in and if it does not fit in any category, off on the RRR roller coaster it goes!
Here are my categories:
1. We use it everyday
2. Can they/I still fit in it
3. Does it make me a better person
4. Can I regift it
5. Will it fit in the next house
6. Does someone I know need it or will they soon
7. Does it make me look thin
8. Do I need it to prove innocence/guilt
9. Will my kids want it to remember what a great Mom I am
10. Does it really belong to someone else and 3 years later I still need to return it
11. Will it save the day in a holiday or picnic situation
12. Will someone ask me if I have one so they can borrow it
13. Will the IRS want to see it someday
14. Is it gaining value, by hanging on to it and will it put my kids thru college because a collector will come knocking on my door asking to pay big bucks for it
15. Did I talk Mr. LbF into buying it even though it was over priced in the first place
16. Did Mr. LbF give it to me thinking I would love it
17. Did one of my kids make it for me and may see it in the trash, then I have to play the "oh no baby I have no idea how that got in there, I am so glad you found it"
18. Is it to embarrassing to risk the trash man seeing it in my can

Ok folks if you can think of one thing that I may have that does not fit in any of my categories I will send it to your house!

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Shoo' Fly

So I have been encouraged by family and friends to start writing about my everyday life in addition to this health journey. I had a hard time listening until folks other then my Mom brought it up. Things I say are always the funniest to my Mom but then I wonder if everyone else is just lying.
This got me thinking about what happenings in my life are "blog worthy". I began to look deeper into this by exploring the blog world. Along the way I discovered some amazing sites that I will now go to regularly but I also found blogs on the most boring subjects in life, like bird watching, and golf. If those folks can get away with that yawn-fest my blogs are gonna read like a trip to the circus!
Where to begin is now the question how about a funny kid story... My six year old daughter, lets call her "Larry", and my 4 year old daughter, lets call her "Curly" were taking turns painting each others faces one after noon. They begged and begged me to participate so I stopped helping homeless people, because that is of course what you can catch me doing any day of the week and sat down for a little cheek art! Wanting to spare her feelings at not being so great with a paint brush I asked her to make a small green frog. Much to long later I sweetly as I could "so when are we gonna be done here kid?". She replied "in just a minute I am almost done with the barbell." Yes that caught my attention as well. As soon as she said done I ran to the mirror and found on my cheek what she called "A red eyed tree frog lifting a barbell"!!!!
Now that has to be "blog worthy"!
But what about other things that happen to me? The other day while sitting upon the porcelain thrown, contemplating world peace a fly came and landing right in the seat of my under-drawers. That has got to be one of the weirdest things to ever happen to me but is that something to write about? I guess so.....
How about the little test I put my husband thru last month. You see it all started when a friend of mine husband noticed that I changed my hair a little. This of course prompted questions to my own husband about why he did not say anything. He just claimed that he really did not notice. There seem to be 2 kinds of people in this world, people who notice and the ones that don't. So began my challenge to see just what it would take to get my husband to notice things about me. This last month we only had 4 days to spend together as a family because my main man is in the military and lives in KS right now. We made the most of those 4 days and spent every minute together! And let me tell you how bad this guy failed my test. He did not even make a cross eyed face at me. The whole weekend I had one leg shaved clean and smooth and the other as hairy as our primate cousins! Stay tuned for other interesting and some not so interesting things going on when your Living by Faith!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Thats a lie

I lie to my self all the time. Some lies I have come to terms with, for example, I know how often I really floss and if you asked me outright to my face I would lie to you. Why would I tell you the truth if I am already comfortable with lying to me. The one lie I am having a hard time coming to terms with is that I told myself at the beginning of this "healthy living" journey that I was not going to let "anything" get in the way of putting myself first and pursuing being the best I could be from the inside out. Well yeah right, if you see the date of the last post you can guess just how well that has worked out so far. Life, folks has come in between me and my goals. My fitness routine has come to a crawl so slow you have to close one eye to see if its really moving.
Ok confession time... so this great idea of doing a favor to those that love me and losing lbs for them(see very first post on blog) has really been wonderful but how do I go back and explain if I gained some of those very same lbs right back? Hypothetically of course... Is that some kind of reverse favor like when you lend something to someone and then ask for it back before they have a chance to use it. I dont know, I am just saying. Although I was trying to figure this problem out a few weeks ago. But then we bought a house, moved across the state, got the stomach flu, had a family member with health issues and my husband moved to KS to train to deploy to Iraq, putting me in charge of EVERYTHING!. You would not believe how fast the lbs come sliding off when you make a big pot of stress stew! I have been feasting for weeks and am now right back where I left off when I was working out everyday! Folks don't try this at home. This amount of stress is being done on a closed course and preformed by professionals.
So where to go from here, back to the basics. I have 3 amazing daughters that I not only want to set the example for but that need me to "step up" now more then ever. Summers in the Valley where we live are the best! Full of recreational opportunities like biking, swimming, horse riding and hiking. Ok you got me, I was lying about the hiking, I have no intention of deliberately hiking. If I happen to be lets say.. be in the mountains with the proper foot wear, water, sunscreen, survival kit, first aid kit and healthy snacks, then I will go hiking. But all that has to just happen, like hiking fate.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Being fat has made me a better person

So guess what?.....ok time's up.... the whole challenge thing I did last post totally backfired! I had a choice to either get really upset over it and wallow for a while or I could learn from it and move on. I have moved on.

Why you ask, did it backfire? Pressure is the ultimate reason. It seemed like such a good idea at the time. But, and as usual it is a big butt, I had under estimated everything else I have going on in my life. Mommy and wifely duties took over. I needed a "time out" from the struggle to escape the jiggle, a break from the shake, a pause from the cause. A reprieve from the weight I have been putting on my shoulders, became more important then the weight I hoist onto the scale.

I have been working hard to get to a point where I feel like myself again. Along the way I am finding out that who I am right now is not so bad. In fact I can go as far as to say that being fat has made me a better person! I am not so quick to judge people by their looks. These pounds have come hand and hand with maturity. I sit at a point where I really feel like I am coming into my own. Things are leveling out. I have old friends and new, older and younger. I no longer feel like playing catch up. I have really begun to realize that life is not a beauty pageant or a popularity contest, and if it is at least I would be winning Mrs. Congeniality!

Although I still feel like I need a long explanation when shopping. Everytime I check out from Lane Bryant (plus size clothing store) they ask me if I would like to open a Lane Bryant account. This for some reason feels like an attack. The quick answer of course is "No thanks". But do you think that is what comes out of my face? Of course not.. here is the gist "Oh I don't need one because I am not fat. I mean I know that is what you see but I mean, I am not gonna be fat much longer, this is not my real body, I am just dressing this fat body till my real body, the one with the perky tits and slim thighs gets back... wings for arms are just a temperary situation, ....... not that there's anything wrong with that, yours for example, perfectly acceptable on you, I don't judge you like I used to.... see I have this plan and this blog and well.................... do you work on commission?..."

Thursday, February 18, 2010

What happens in Vegas...

Six weeks from tonight I will be dancing the night away with my handsome hubby and many of our army family and friends!

So I have challenged my self to a challenge! And myself accepted! I want to be 10 lbs lighter by the Regimental Spring Formal on March 31st! The ball is at the Flamingo in Las Vegas, so pretty much a good time is guaranteed!

My focus will be on cardio to burn fat and weights to tone (I say tone but that in-tells you can see my muscles, they however seem to be playing a wicked game of hide and seek right now, and winning) my upper arms. I figure work on the parts that will show in a dress and the rest I will just tether with wire and spandex. I used duct tape once but that leaves welts and comes un-stuck at the most inopportune times.

My other motivation for this crash course is that the 31st is also my hubby's birthday!
I will be updating every Wed, so check back in next week to see if I am just over tired and take this all back or if this really works!

Monday, February 15, 2010

"Oh Snap"

I have a little assignment for you. Try for one day not to compare yourself in anyway to anyone else. It proved to be a lot harder for me then I thought. We as humans are always putting ourselves up against others to see how we stack up! I don't know when this begins, or maybe we can just chock it up to human nature. Seems pretty silly if you really think about it. Only because we already know that God made each of us different in every way. How boring it would be if we all looked exactly the same. Although it would be easier to see how far we may have drifted from what we are supposed to look like. But even knowing this we have made a habit out of comparing ourselves to others. I guess it did not help that when I was growing up my Mom would point out a women from behind and ask "I am not that big right?" Now I ask my hubby the same thing.
I found myself recently comparing with a blonde haired celebrity. Like we would even be in the same category, if thrown into buckets. Some other male celebrity said that this gal was "sexual napalm". Now I know that part of me was supposed to be all pissed off that he was kissing and telling, but all I could focus on was how blown away I was at the thought that someone could be "sexual napalm". How do you even meet the criteria for such a thing? What do you have to be doing behind closed doors to be compared to explosives? In my past life I would like to believe I may have lit a few matches, at the very least.
At my current plus size my hottness category can only be compared to trying to light a fire by violently rubbing two wet sticks together.
So a new goal has been set! By the time I have reached my goal weight I plan on being at the very least one of those fire crackers we used to have as a kid, the ones wrapped in white paper you throw at the ground and they "snap"! I am calling this the Snap Factor!
Feel free to use this for yourself...your welcome!

Status Check

Well here I am with 6 months down on my journey to fitness town! And the stats go:
Lbs lost: 20
Inches lost: 15
Dress size down: 1

I am proud of what I have been able to do buttttt and its a big butt, I have this sinking feeling that I could be so much farther along. That is in no way a pity party, your support is amazing. It is just a feeling of drive that I plan on tapping into to continue along this path!
Anyone who has attempted to lose weight may have noticed, like I have, that it sucks. OK that is not what I set out to type, it just happened. What I was gonna say is that it is amazingly lonely. I am not the best at being alone, never have been. A lot of this process is me having to spend time with just me. Now don't get me wrong, I am wonderful company, just ask me. But misery loves company. So remember all of you that promised to gift me lbs right back, well I am cashing in! And you will be glad to know that I kept a list! Here in no particular order are the folks that were so encouraged by my leap of faith that they wanted to join right in!
Christina Bomar
Amy Thompson
Tom Franklin
Sue Crain
Kimberly Montgomery
Matthea Perlman

Some of you may have fallen thru the cracks. You know who you are. I fully expect each of you to begin reporting in ASAP! Good luck dear friends!
Just a little "your welcome" to Lisa-18 and 19 and Gayle-20! I am a healthier person because you were there for me! Gayle it is an honor to have you as my friend. I am amazed at what a great Mom you are! Hey Kimberly I am coming for ya!!

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

So what have you been doing lately?

And it begins:

slide tiny-but-mighty feet from lower back
put large-and-untamed feet to floor
wake big girls-dress, feed, hair, hug, kiss, wave
curl up next to warm precious sleeping baby
close eyes
closed eye poked by wide-eyed very awake baby- ouch
wipe a butt
wash hands
wipe a face
wash hands
wipe a wall, toilet, mirror
wash hands
console a friend
consult a friend
find cold mug of coffee-reheat
dust, vacuum, laundry to dryer
rock a baby (while rocking- doorbell, phone call)
pat the dog
wash hands
dance with baby-laugh
make a meal
clean up from meal
wash hands
sit on toilet-out of TP
hang head-consider using sock from floor
shake it off-move on
wash hands
take dirty sock to laundry
start dryer that was never started
find cold mug of coffee-reheat
make a meal
clean up from meal
pry open freakishly strong little fingers-remove choking hazard repeat all day
wipe a butt
wash hands
sit at computer-according to FB I belong in the 30's era
turn away kids asking for money at door
send out mine to sell Girl Scout cookies
break up a fight
pull baby from pantry-take raw potato from her mouth
make a bottle
find cold mug of coffee-give up
considered exercising while folding laundry-tighten abs 4 times- got a snack

found this list laying around (had forgotten about it) laugh, think its a cute idea, start again

chase laughing baby down sidewalk-realizing only then, not wearing bra
wiggle loose tooth
wash hands
flash cards
fall victim to walk-by groping from tall, dark and handsome-blush
make a meal
leave the mess
plan a meeting
plan a meal
plan a trip
run an errand-realize I left house not wearing shoes but house slippers-convince self I can pull it off
bath all babies-lotion, hair, teeth
wash hands
prayers- convince big girl she does not have to go to heaven but it would be nice to see her there (long story)
get baby from off dining table
wipe a butt
wash hands
sit next to tall, dark and handsome
begin again.....

Saturday, January 9, 2010

I have lost my appetite

Today started so beautiful, and now it's going on 12:00 am and I have not showered, I smell like puke, I have cleaned up human and k9 pee more then twice and that homemade gingerbread loaf is gone...
I have never thought of myself as an "emotional eater" but my husband gives me that head tilted "yeah right" look when I say that. I thought that everyone had a little orgasm when they bit into chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. Or began to moan when they came in the vicinity of really good stinky cheese.. am I alone in this? How about a big pot of cream-of -whatever soup on the stove on a chilly evening or fresh bread with butter melting off the crust, I get warm in my chest just typing! Those are the good emotions, what about the other emotions like fear? I cant tell you how much I consume just out of fear that I may not get a chance to finish. I get sad face when I see a kid stalking my plate. We call it "paying taxes" when you have to give a bite to the little one. The big ones just play the guilt game, "sharing is caring" I hear from my 4 year old. My mom used to tell us she was eating poison and that is why we could not have any. Her socks always smelled like chocolate too, I think she had more then one method to getting to eat what she wanted. I myself am no stranger to eating in the laundry room.
There is disappointment when the last slice of pizza is gone, and anger when I go to a restaurant knowing just what I want and they don't have it. Sometimes when I am watching a movie and the people in the movie leave the dinner table because of an argument and say "I have lost my appetite" I am left thinking what that means, is it really so bad that you cant carry that plate to the next room? I may storm out, you bet your ass at least that chicken leg is going with me!
Lets not leave out love. I show love with food! I am the happiest when I have a house full of people I care about enjoying my long days work of sweet and savory. Food for me has meaning:
mini loaves say thinking of you, cookies say welcome home, muffins are nice to meet you, anything in pyrex means I care and bag salad says give me some credit I bought it and I'm busy.
How could anyone not be an emotional eater?
So at this time I am self proclaiming, I am an emotional eater! Brownies make me smile and salad brings me joy and homemade gingerbread brought me comfort after a tough day!