Monday, February 28, 2011

This is WAR

My 2 year old daughter Moe just came down stairs from her nap....naked. And handed me a small Christmas tin filled with urine. The lid was on and as she handed it to me she did say "Here go Mama, pee pee".
That pint size pisser has no idea what she has gotten herself into. She may have taken the first strike, but I always win! I consider this act a declaration of Potty Training Warfare.
Lets dig into the file on this to-cute-for-her-own-good opponent.
First, we now know she can hit a 3 in hole with a considerable amount of urine. A toilet bowl should be a walk in the park! Second, the skill of pulling off her pants in one motion she already comes by honestly, thats how we got her. She can already be found most days naked as a jay bird. So nothing will hinder access to the parts. Third, as an insider, I happen to know that this particular female has a weakness for chocolate! And can be bribed into almost anything. It is crucial to go into battle knowing your foes vulnerability.
As a veteran of this kind of war, I had already begun to stock the necessary ammunition. My arsenal includes pink "big girl" pull-ups. Although having Disney princess faces on them always seemed weird to me, I guess I may be able to work it to my advantage. If I fear I may be losing a battle, I am not above saying things like "Now don't pee-pee on poor Cinderella's face".
I also have hand soap in a colorful foam, flushable wipes, and the softest tp ever made! For the battles I know I will lose I have stocked up on carpet cleaner, rag towels, baking soda and waterproof mattress pads. My secret weapon is the port-a-potty seat I keep in the car. That way no one has to crouch over a coffee can or wipe container, like some people had to when they were little....
When all else fails I am prepared to pull out the big guns.....a Sticker Chart. Kids are almost powerless when faced with earning a shiny gold star!
And now a warning for the locals. If you happen to pass my car on the side of the road anytime soon, don't worry I am not out of gas, I may just be grasping small ankles and pointing down hill!