Friday, August 19, 2011

Rubber duckie, your the one...

I hate a mess, I mean really hate it. I am not talking about clutter, no, I love clutter! I am talking about a gooey, sticky, wet, mess. So much that my Mom even told me she thought I would be a virgin forever as soon as I found out how messy the process was..... we will leave that one alone for now.  We are not the household that finger paints, that is why I pay big bucks for preschool.  Letting my kids "help" in the kitchen makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up and my face get hot. I know there are the parents who are amazing at this. That is why I bring them to your house. They let their kids up on chairs next to the perfectly clean counter and hang their booger nose heads over a bowl of something yummy. Then they allow the kids nasty hands to touch cooking utensils right next to a very hot surface. I have tried and tried again to get comfortable with the idea. I even bought them little aprons and "cook with your kid" books. But in the end the kid ends up ruining everything and I have lost all interest in eating whatever they touched. My husband is great at letting them "help", another reason to have him around.  I even get upset at my kids for doing dangerous stunts over hard surfaces because I know when they fall and crack their heads open it will suck not only because they will be hurt but also because of the mess it will leave. OK maybe I am not that bad but the fact that I even thought of that goes to show how much I don't care for a slippery mess. Which leads me to the subject of this blog. I have never ever been interested in the prospect of having a home birth mainly because the picture it paints in my mind. A total mess...
I was raised in a household where we were all born at home and it was considered the "norm". But when it came to my own birthing it was not something that I was willing to look into. Our first born was the guiny pig anyway and I think we were both so nervous the hospital was a good place for us to be. The 2nd born we were in another country and I knew it was gonna be a mess. The third one my water broke while I was sitting in our living room recliner watching Diners Drive-Ins and Dives! Talk about a mess,  Mr. LbF came around in front of me lifted up my skirt and said "man it is like a guiser down there". His love for that chair runs deep however and a day later he spent hours shampooing it till the water ran clear. Off to the hospital we went so they had to clean up the rest of the impending mess.
The fourth time is just around the corner and we have made the choice to do the unthinkable. Not only are we having a home birth but we are planning a water birth! To be better prepared I have compiled a list of things that the midwife said she will not be bringing, I imagine we may need for such an event.

1. Rubber ducky's because they are "lots of fun"
2. A snorkel for the midwife to keep a close eye on the goings on down below, she said that this was completely unnecessary, but better to be prepared.
3. Mr. LbF has shown interest in guiding his little man into the world through the watery entrance so he may need waders and a net.

I wonder if we need to take water safety classes?

4. I would like to find floaties for my ankles in case I get tired of holding up a leg.

 I asked my midwife how we keep the floor clean and un-messy and she said vinyl table cloths from the dollar store. I asked how she empties the tub, a long hose to the toilet is fashioned... So much of this process is going to require a little classing up! I think I may wear pearls and get a cashmere bathrobe. After all the word Hippie does start with Hip!

And last but not least before the the big day, personal grooming is a must! Cant have any short and curlys floating to the surface and throwing off my chi......

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