Thursday, August 23, 2012

Job wanted

Recently I playfully asked Mr. LBF a very honest and truthful question. Not to my surprise he responded very honest and maybe a little too truthful. I asked "so if there was one thing that only you do for our household, that you wish we could share, what would it be?". He looked up at me and said "bringing in more income".... Ouch.... it stung.... then he asked "what was yours"?
"Lactating....I was gonna say lactating......".
Talk about taking the wind from my sails. I immediately started naming off all the reasons I do not have a job that brings in income and we nodded in agreement like we always do when the subject comes up. The biggest reason being of course money. We have looked into my working outside the home and as many family's have figured out I would basically only be making enough to cover our childcare and the phone bill. Plus the cost of our kids coming home to an empty house is way too high for me. When we got married and had "insta family" we knew that I would be taking on the role of SAHM. By the way I had no idea what that meant till I saw it used by someone else on FB and had to go to the urban dictionary to look it up. It stands for Stay At Home Mom, and Sh!t A$$ Mother F*cker. In this context we will be using the first definition.

I will also note at this point, that I know without a doubt that Mr. LbF does not for a second take my "job" for granted. He also lets me know that I am more than welcome to come up with my million dollar idea that we can sell in infomercials anytime. He will be more than happy to step aside as breadwinner.

With all that said the question of what to do with my days when Shemp enters the school age is still a mystery. From the time I was fourteen I have always worked. The number of jobs I have had is a running joke in my family. I helped run an after school program when I met Mr. LbF. At that point in time I had already sold shoes, cleaned houses and toilets, been a checker, model, fed hens and walked dogs. I delivered pizzas in the snow, and sprayed out bowling shoes in the summer. I was a telemarketer for a minute and a half and played Nanny for a month. All the while waitressing at whatever restaurant would have me. We had Larry and I decided to sell Pampered Chef, that was fun but then we had Curly. So I got a job at the PX and counted movies. Then we had Moe, and there really was no time to do anything but keep her from getting into stuff.
It is always about the time I am due to give birth that I find myself sifting through the want ads. By far the thing I enjoyed the most was being a waitress. I like people and food. My pipe dream has always been to have a bakery cafe with my best friend Kimberly. She is an amazing cook and baker. When ever I really hit one out-of-the-park with a meal, my family tells me I need to put it on our menu!

But back to my dilemma. What to do what to do? Waayy back in high school they had us fill out one of those career assessments that matched your answers with those of professionals. I remember my top two that I matched with were pro-baseball player and Rabbi. It was then I stopped filling out college applications.  I was on the road to be an innovator. - - - I just had to spell check the hell out of that......

Let's access, I am really good at making a mean pot of soup and cute babies. Womb for rent?
It is always easier to decide what you don't want to do. So I here's my list:  I don't want to demonstrate, discover, diagnose, or dance.

I just watched a guy run a backhoe in my front yard, and all I could think of was" I could totally do that"....
And thanks to God's promise that I have divine purpose I just might!


P. S
The backhoe operator said no......

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

On the road again

On our recent vacation road trip Mr. LbF looked over at me from the passenger seat past the pile of drive thru trash on his lap and said "Ok, I get it, your right, we need to get an RV"!!! This was after we had stopped for breakfast at 2 different places only to get on the road and discover neither of us had bought breakfast for Curly(poor middle child). We had everyone who got a meal pass Theirs to her first so she got a bite of each. Although no one was so hungry after Moe puked the breakfast she was fortunate enough to get right back into the wax paper on her lap. We pulled off the road once again to nurse Shemp, turning a 5 hour trip into a 8 hour trip.

Next step was RV shopping! This was so fun for us. The girls loved exploring every inch of the clubhouses on wheels! We must have been a sight to see walking up to the guy in the Hawaiian shirt (the guy wearing flowers are always the salesman by the way). I would strap on the backpack with Shemp in it and grab Moe's hand, Larry and Curly at my heels. One after another in 3 states we searched for just the right rig! By the time we found it the girls were experts on slide outs, grey water holding tanks, and gas vs diesel.

The evening before our maiden voyage each girl laid out what they had "packed them selves".  Moe had concluded the necessities were her Micky Mouse bowling set and 8 pairs of socks. Nothing else. Curly had fared better but had forgotten underpants and when I pointed this out she tried to convince me she would just wear her bathing suit all weekend.

Pull out day came! It only took 2 hours and 157 trips back and forth from the house to the RV to get her "outfitted" for travel. At 3:30 pm we set out with a honk and smiles all around!
Fifteen minutes down the road we stopped for gas. Then we got right back on the road going the wrong direction. Thirty more minutes pasted before we stopped at a RV accessories store for sewer pipe and the little ramp it fits on that goes from the RV to the hole in the ground. I may have also picked up a blue camping kettle just to make me smile. Walking out of the store I overheard Mr. LbF commenting on how much money Mommy likes to spend. "Oh yes honey I woke up this morning and all I could think about was running out first thing and spending our hard earned money on an accordion pipe for our family's poop to slide through". He did not say much more while I nursed and we once again got "on the road again".

Around 6:30 pm we got a call from our friends that were expecting us. They informed us we had about 3 hours left in a trip that takes them 3 hours in their car....

During that time random things that we could not get working before, started to work just fine. This was just further evidence we have a lot to learn about our electrical system. I played hostess to our children to the point of resentment. And had 37 mini panic attacks. During one of these attacks I tried to lay down on the queen bed in the back of the RV. I was jostled around like a rag doll and became waaaay too aware of my back fat as it was the only thing I could not keep still as I held on for dear life. I gave my life to Jesus every time a semi passed us and I felt the sway of our home on wheels. I got encouraging text messages from my friend Erika. She said "this was your idea and your gonna have to figure it out, that sucks for you".

At 11:18 pm we drove right past our destination. 100 point turn on a country road and we pulled into the driveway of our very tired and understanding friends the Powells. That night we learned the importance of parking on level ground. I woke up 7 times to find myself clinging to Mr. LbF as not to roll off the bed onto the floor.
Night 2 was much more comfortable.
We pulled out headed for home after a fun filled 2 days of food and friends, determined to make better time. It was my turn to drive and except for the white knuckles and neck sweat, I did great! Mr. LbF learned right away after nearly losing his hand that touching me while driving was not the best plan. Reflecting back it may not have been the best weekend to go cold turkey off my anti anxiety meds....

About an hour from home we made a pit stop at a roadside antique store (oh darn, right). They informed us only after we had unloaded everybody that the bathroom was out of order and that the closest was "only 3 miles down the road". They said "only" like you can explain that to a 3 year old. We had no choice but to break in the throne in the castle. Moe had the honor and christened the pot. Next was snack time and we turned on the t.v because we could!
The final stretch home called for naps all around. I had one minor mishap with a bird in flight.. but no one else saw it.
We were so eager to be home I backed right into our drive way following Mr. LbF's cryptic hand gestures and backed right into the rain gutter crushing it on impact.

Dinner was delivered by our loving neighbors the Franklin's. They found us sitting at the roof edge  on top of the RV taking turns hammering out the rain gutter. Mr. LbF pointed out the sunset and placed his arm around my neck. He whispered our favorite phrase to say to each other "I would not do this with anybody else".