Monday, February 4, 2013

Privacy please

Privacy and personal space go out the window as soon as you have a child that moves. I have not done anything alone in 10 years, no matter how private the deed. Being in the bathroom is no exception. If someone is not walking in on me they are crawling on the floor unrolling toilet paper, or they are walking and trying to look past my knees into the water or sticking their fingers under the door from the other side. One time Curly thought she would give me a hand with breastfeeding and I looked down to see her supporting my nipple into her sisters mouth. I learned the value of wearing underpants the first time a toddler shoved a tiny fist up the back of my nighty while I was standing at the kitchen sink.

With these people all up in my personal space it is a small miracle that Mr. LbF and I have been able to keep our marital privileges a very private part of our lives... so far. It is proving more difficult as they get older. The other day Mr. LbF told me an interaction that happen between he and Curly. They were driving down the road and she asked "Daddy why is there a picture of Mommy's noonies (family name for breasts) on your phone?"
Daddy thinking fast said "I think the real question here is why are you looking at pictures on my phone, why do you have it?"
Curly: "You gave it to me."
Daddy: "I said you could play a game. Give it to me. Now how are you doing in school."

I have heard all the stories of friends being walked in on by their children. Each more terrifying then the next. But none takes the cake more then our dear friends, we will call them Mr. and Mrs. XXX. This happy and very loving couple, as you will see, were engaging behind closed doors, their more adventurous side. When all of the sudden in the dark Mrs. X felt something soft with her foot. Glancing back over her shoulder to see what it was, to her horror, she saw her foot was not rubbing against Mr.X's arm but it was the soft hair of her young daughter. She was at the side of the bed staring into the dark at her loving.. very loving parents. Mrs. X bolted upright trapping Mr. X's face between her butt cheeks. She then quickly got up and lead a sleepy and most likely confused, little girl back to bed.
After my dear friend shared this story with me I knew I needed to be supportive and say something reassuring. The best I could do through tears of laughter was to ask "So I guess you would call that a 69 1/2?"... Yes we are still friends.

Empty nest is a blink away but in this moment I don't see showering without someone staring directly eye level with your privates as a bad thing.