Monday, August 25, 2014

Cheerios and Piss

There are three amazing young ladies that know how to pee and poo in the potty because of me! I am quite proud of this fact because as you can read here that last one was a bit of a challenge. Larry being my first go around I pulled out all the new parent tricks and we spent hours with her bare end seated in front of me while I read book after book. She was pretty easy to convince, as she was and remains to this day, a people pleaser. Of course there was that one time when Mr. LbF left to take the dog out and I was in running a bath for Larry. She had taken the initiative to prepare for her bath and was strolling around naked as a jaybird. I called her in to get into the water and stepped back to the doorway to say something to Mr. LbF who had just returned from outside with the dog. We both saw it at the same time. There in the center of the dining room floor, between us, was a giant pile of poo. We glanced from the pile to each other and Mr. LbF said "Who did that?".  Answering his question with a question I asked "How often do I crap on the dining room floor, that you feel the need to ask?".

Curly's potty training went a bit smoother. We did however spend more times then I can count holding her ankles in the air with her round end pointed down wind. Her only challenge now is that she absolutely will not use a port-a-john. God forbid she travel abroad. Just the hint of an outhouse and she clinches up, shakes her head and says "I'll hold it". One day at a zoo we thought she might pop.

Now I have Shemp. I have been told by the wise women that are raising boys before me that they do take longer and will take an interest when they are good and ready. That is all well and good except the fact that pre-schools around here will only take 3 year olds that are clued in to the potty habit.
So I have taken all the steps to insure success. I bought gummy snacks, fun hand soap, and a little toilet that makes music when you piss in it. Each of the big sisters was promised their heart's desire if they convinced him to use it.

Mr. LbF was out in the field playing soldier when we started the game of pee-pee-in-the-potty. We have heard the sweet chime of success a time or two. But mostly, practice looks more like me sitting on the edge of the tub trying to read a story to my half naked boy as he sits on his throne using fingers and thumbs to stretch out his penis as far as he can and open and close the tip all while making a "wah wah waha" sound. It looked kind of like he was letting the air out of a balloon. When I described this over the phone to the hubby his question, was not in the boys handling of himself, but of my reasons for making him sit! I told him that if I knew how to pee standing up I would teach him. Because I know the mess it would cause, standing lessons, will be up to him.

If I compile the wonderful advice given by others, all I can picture is Shemp standing with Mr. LbF in the sprinkler naked in our backyard holding their parts in one hand, gummy candy in the other while they piss at floating cheerios in a bucket. Every hour over the course of a long weekend. If it has a chance of working, i'm all for it. So how do I go about convincing them?

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

When Worlds Collide

I am taking the leap and joining two of the greatest things in my life. Blog world meet my professional world! Professional world meet my blog world, but please keep in mind I am much more professional while on the job then in my writing.... most of the time....ok, some of the time..well,
when asked!

To celebrate this grand occasion I am asking for assistance from you! The time has come to invest in new market materials and I believe that a slogan is going to help further my business. Below are what I have narrowed down to be my top picks. Please consider them all and give your feedback in the comments section below.

God is Good and being a Doula Kicks Ass
Faith in Birth

From the Waddle to the Wail
Faith in Birth

Here for you, even if you Poo 
Faith in Birth

Wiping tears and easing fears, and that is just the Dad's
Faith in Birth

Knocked up, what now? Faith in Birth can tell you how

You have the power, push that human out your flower
Faith in Birth

Holding your hand in Labor Land
Faith in Birth

Faith in Birth, at your Cervix

More information for my business can be found at my website HERE

Friday, February 28, 2014

Walking the Talk

Remember the old saying "Don't talk the talk, if you can't walk the walk"? Well I have found myself doing exactly that. I talk big. I say things like:
"My children are my favorite people and I love spending time with them".
And I say "As much as possible, we do not let the Army dictate our children's young lives."
I have also been known to say "I am never alone for I have my God walking every step of the way with me". I also preach to our children that this life is made up of choices. The choices that we make help shape our lives into what we want them to be. I tell them that if you put your Faith in Christ that he will help you make the right choices and the outcome is a direct result of the choices made.

My little family has been planning a big trip across this great country of ours. Round trip from KS to CA to OR. We are taking the RV that I choose on a trip that I planned. We are taking the dogs that I choose. We are packing the things on a list that I made. The one thing that I did not choose is that my soldier would be deploying at the same time I had chosen for us to leave on our great adventure.

So now what?

I have put my life in Christ's hands and made choices that have lead me to be married to a man that I am even humbled to know. A man that treats me like a gift that was given to him. I have accepted the choice and the blessing to have four amazing children. I have lived in a manner that has attracted people to me and that choose to be my friends, Army family, and family.

It is time to walk the walk. I choose to put my Faith and sanity in God's hands, load my blessings and dogs into that house on wheels, wave farewell to my soldier and hit the gas!

I choose adventure!

I choose to believe that my children really are people worth spending time with. And that even something as silly as a road trip can strengthen the bonds that we have with friends we will see along the way. I choose to believe that no matter where I am, if I truly needed someone, my family and Army family would move mountains to get to me. I am also choosing to document the whole thing because this is gonna be wild.

Here is another old saying "The proof is in the pudding".
I am about to take a walk in some 'deeep' pudding.

So the best laid plans, right? Once again I am humbled by my Lord. Days before our big adventure we found out that my soldier was not being deployed but placed in a position that would have him home taking care of soldiers. We remain humbled. Other soldiers in our unit that have separated from their families during this time are in our daily prayers.
As for our trip...let's just say, stay tuned!

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Tank Gunnery Lullaby

Tank Gunnery Lullaby
by Faith Bomar

Feel the house shake
The rumble that you hear
It warms my heart because he feels near

It is a reminder of what he does for us all
He is part of the few that have answered the call

Don’t pay any mind to this Tankers wife
I may look alone but I am his for life

The only thing he loves more then that boom
Are God, country and the fruit of my womb

I tuck in our brats with a kiss and a prayer
They fall asleep to the resound in the air

The rapid fire of a 50 cal
May startle a few as it is heard for miles

To me it serves as a memory so sweet
The times when his lips speed up my heartbeat

May his tracks ride smooth and his aim be true
So the days he’s away can number a few

Boots caked in mud, bags filthy with dirt
The sweet stench of diesel will come from his shirt

His face will crease into a smile
He will give me that look of “it’s been awhile”