Monday, August 25, 2014

Cheerios and Piss

There are three amazing young ladies that know how to pee and poo in the potty because of me! I am quite proud of this fact because as you can read here that last one was a bit of a challenge. Larry being my first go around I pulled out all the new parent tricks and we spent hours with her bare end seated in front of me while I read book after book. She was pretty easy to convince, as she was and remains to this day, a people pleaser. Of course there was that one time when Mr. LbF left to take the dog out and I was in running a bath for Larry. She had taken the initiative to prepare for her bath and was strolling around naked as a jaybird. I called her in to get into the water and stepped back to the doorway to say something to Mr. LbF who had just returned from outside with the dog. We both saw it at the same time. There in the center of the dining room floor, between us, was a giant pile of poo. We glanced from the pile to each other and Mr. LbF said "Who did that?".  Answering his question with a question I asked "How often do I crap on the dining room floor, that you feel the need to ask?".

Curly's potty training went a bit smoother. We did however spend more times then I can count holding her ankles in the air with her round end pointed down wind. Her only challenge now is that she absolutely will not use a port-a-john. God forbid she travel abroad. Just the hint of an outhouse and she clinches up, shakes her head and says "I'll hold it". One day at a zoo we thought she might pop.

Now I have Shemp. I have been told by the wise women that are raising boys before me that they do take longer and will take an interest when they are good and ready. That is all well and good except the fact that pre-schools around here will only take 3 year olds that are clued in to the potty habit.
So I have taken all the steps to insure success. I bought gummy snacks, fun hand soap, and a little toilet that makes music when you piss in it. Each of the big sisters was promised their heart's desire if they convinced him to use it.

Mr. LbF was out in the field playing soldier when we started the game of pee-pee-in-the-potty. We have heard the sweet chime of success a time or two. But mostly, practice looks more like me sitting on the edge of the tub trying to read a story to my half naked boy as he sits on his throne using fingers and thumbs to stretch out his penis as far as he can and open and close the tip all while making a "wah wah waha" sound. It looked kind of like he was letting the air out of a balloon. When I described this over the phone to the hubby his question, was not in the boys handling of himself, but of my reasons for making him sit! I told him that if I knew how to pee standing up I would teach him. Because I know the mess it would cause, standing lessons, will be up to him.

If I compile the wonderful advice given by others, all I can picture is Shemp standing with Mr. LbF in the sprinkler naked in our backyard holding their parts in one hand, gummy candy in the other while they piss at floating cheerios in a bucket. Every hour over the course of a long weekend. If it has a chance of working, i'm all for it. So how do I go about convincing them?